Despise Not the Day of Small Beginnings...

BOTT ’09 was awesome! I’m so thankful we were able to go. Although I got sick and wasn’t able to attend all the services, I was still very blessed by the services I did attend. The biggest blessing to me actually happened on Tuesday night. Let me give you some background:

Over the past few months I have really been struggling with feeling inadequate for the role of a minister’s wife. I know, I Know, kind of late for that, right? But just because I know that God called me and my husband to ministry doesn’t necessarily mean that I automatically feel prepared to lead EVERY area that minister’s wives often lead. The funny thing is, 10 years ago, I DID feel like I could do the job. I had the world by the tail and all the answers. However, maturity has a way of making us dumb, doesn’t it? It seemed to me that all the minister’s wives I have observed lately have been super women who could do everything! I was really anxious about all of this…to the point that I would have to just stop thinking about it because I would get so stressed out about it. You see, I’m not a superwoman. Yes, God has given me certain gifts, but He didn’t give them ALL to me! You can’t believe how many times I asked God, “But what if they don’t have a _________________? I can’t ________________!” Or “Who is going to _____________________? I don’t know how to _____________________________!” Fill in the blank – I probably said it! So a few weeks ago, I finally decided to pour it out into my prayer journal. BTW, if you don’t have a prayer journal, I would recommend that you start one. It is an awesome way to see how God answers prayer.

Here is an excerpt from that entry: I’m so scared of the next step! I’m so completely unprepared to be a minister’s wife – I know you will equip me, but – what if I mess up? What if I mess up bad? I don’t want to be a liability to Chris’s ministry…I’m so scared I’m just a failure waiting to happen. Please help me, Lord. Give me a genuine God-confidence.

Well, Tuesday night as Bro. Anthony Mangun preached God began doing something in me. After the message I began to pray and I felt like the Lord touched me and reminded me that the most important thing I could ever do for our ministry is to pray. I didn’t need lessons, a personality change, or even experience to be able to do it and it was the one thing that was imperative. After that I wept and repented for thinking that the success or failure of our ministry depended on the abilities that we brought to the table; that WE could make it happen.

Last night, as I journaled my thanks, the Lord brought a scripture to mind. Now, when the Lord drops a scripture into my heart I always like to go back and look at the context. I want to be exactly sure about what He is saying. The scripture was found in Zech. 4:6 and when I went back to look at the entire chapter I was so excited! The chapter tells about Zechariah’s visit with an angel who gives him a vision of a golden candlestick and two olive trees. The angel has come to encourage him and Zerubbabel (same person, different name?) to rebuild the temple. But before he gives the word of encouragement, he reminds Zechariah that it’s only by God’s spirit and not by human effort that the house will be built. The golden candlestick is the usual golden candlestick with the seven “bowls” that hold the oil. Candlesticks are always a type of the church (as is shown in Revelation). The two olive trees on either side of the candlestick are very interesting. According to the vision, the two olive trees continually drip oil into the candlestick, feeding it the oil needed to keep a perpetual flame going. Biblical scholars don’t agree on what the two olive trees symbolize but the interpretation that I favor is the one that says that Jesus Christ serves in the dual role as both our King and Priest (both man and God)…it’s His spirit that keeps the flame of the candlestick going. Notice that there is no man needed to keep the flame going, but the olive trees supply all the oil needed themselves. Therefore, “Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit saith the Lord.” You see, God is going to get His work done regardless of my ability or inability. If I will stay connected to Him through right relationship, He will make sure it all comes out right. It’s His work to build a church, I can’t do it without Him (and I don’t want to!). If I will do that, then he will prepare the way to make sure that His work gets done. I was so encouraged when I read that and let me say that I had really good prayer after that!

Later, when I got ready for bed, I grabbed the latest book I’ve been reading, The Role of the Shepherdess by Sis. Ensey. I know it’s been around for a while, but I’ve just discovered it. It is a really awesome, nuts and bolts kind of book. Really great teaching! Well, I’ve been reading it for several days so I was about halfway through, somewhere in the “Ministry Wives” section. What do you think was one of the first things I read last night?

Here, I’ll share: Having a right attitude towards self means understanding that God made each of us to be different. It is not who I am but who He is and my relationship with Him that makes the difference…If He had wanted clones of some great minister’s wife, He could have done that, but that’s not what He wanted. He knew you before He chose you, and He has a special place for you in His kingdom. So don’t try to mimic or copy someone you admire. Be yourself, be real and let God use you!

So I’m really thankful for BOTT and what God did for me there. I know there will still be times that I don’t feel equal to the task, but now I have something to look back on that will help me to overcome the fear and anxiety. Isn’t the Lord so good to hear us when we cry out to Him? I’m so thankful for His patience and His grace. And now I know that He will give me that God-confidence that I need so desperately if I stay close to Him.

Bear not a single care,
One is too much for thee,
Mine is the work and mine alone,
Thy work to rest in me.
-Grace Livingston Hill